As I write this, I’m 30 hours into my recovery fast. The guidelines I am following are simple, but loose enough so that I have some space to adapt with how I feel. They are as follows:
Days 1-4: Water (w/ option for electrolyte powder), Coffee
Days 5-7: Water (w/ option for electrolyte powder), Coffee, Fresh Juice (optional)
Optional: Introduce small amounts of high nutrient food (raw liver, raw heart, kimchi, etc.) on day 6 and/or 7, maintaining calorie deficit.
This is what I have to look forward to the next week. The purpose of this fast is to heal my body from 100 days of strenuous physical activity. Let’s see what happens…
For the next 7 days, I will be experimenting with a stream-of-consciousness style of writing. I assume it will get less and less coherent as the days go on, or at least that’s what I’m hoping for.
After the first full day of this fast, I’ve come to realize how badly I damaged my body throughout the last 100 days. I didn’t drink nearly enough water, and I consumed way too much caffeine. I’m experiencing muscle fasciculations throughout my entire body, and I’m getting spasms in my arms and hands every now and again. My right leg feels stiff and just off, and my lower back goes in and out of stiffness. The question now is, will the fast heal this?
I noticed a ton of intense emotion coming up yesterday during and after Murph. It was almost as if I “Murphed” something out of me. I felt a deep, intense hatred for the first time in a very long time. I think that’s been hiding underneath, maybe for my whole life. I’ve always had such a difficult time expressing anger in any capacity, and honestly, violence and anger rarely find me. The anger was around the past, certain situations that have occurred in my life, and disappointment that certain things didn’t, and won’t, work out. It actually felt good to feel this rare spectrum of emotions, and I found that it melted away after 24 hours of fasting. I’m interested to see if this comes up again.
Timing is a strange thing. I guess it can never be perfect.
Why am I not hungry yet?
My primary intention during this fast is to heal, but I’m starting to see what that actually means. It’s healing of my body and healing of my soul. I need to let go of the past and cut the chord completely if I want the future I see in the distance. I’m catching glimpses of that, and it’s beautiful.
I cut my caffeine consumption in half today, and it felt incredible. I’m finally tired at the right time (hah!). Things are starting to get a little weird, in a good way.
I know exactly what I want. Can I be the person who deserves it?
I don’t want to wax philosophic anymore. I want to talk about pajamas and grapefruits (a.k.a. wannabe oranges).
Today, I had three hours of real peace, for this first time in I can’t remember. I think there might be something there.
All of this is worth it.