Day 2 (48 hours)
Slept for 13 hours last night. That was wild. Still getting muscle twitches all over my body, and still having some issues with my leg, but feeling exponentially more hopeful after a much needed, extended sleep. I only had two regular cups of coffee and a big bottle of light green tea. At the end of Murph, I was drinking 1000+ milligrams of caffeine daily, and cutting my intake down significantly in such a short time is a pleasant surprise. I feel great in that respect.
I’m still incredibly dehydrated - I can tell from my dry mouth and lips - but I’m drinking as much water (alternatively adding salt) as I can. I read an article that said that recovery from dehydration can take 1-2 weeks, so I’m not expecting things to change overnight.
Things are starting to get weird, but not in a bad way. I’m a little foggy in the brain, and moving jut a little slow. I also read that clarity doesn’t come until ketosis really kicks in, which should be around day 3/4. Looking forward to that. Luckily, I haven’t been plagued by hunger, nor have I felt bad at all, really.
I’ve been thinking a lot about our culture and the things I’m constantly bombarded with on social media - do this, do that, yadda yadda yadda. It all seems so fruitless in so many ways. I’m not going to do that - that being selling my soul for my survival. I’m not going to “optimize funnels” and disconnect from the reason why I’m doing all of this. The images of a lion and a child come to mind. I want to breathe fire and keep my innocence at the same time.
There was a period of time in which I became disheartened, and an image came to mind. They story of David and Goliath, I’m sure you know it. It got me thinking all those “David’s” that Goliath killed before encountering David himself, lost to history by a brutal death. This fight of mine - the fight against my lower nature, against pride, lust, jealousy, deception, fear - seems futile sometimes. Goliath is too big, too strong, too powerful. Then I remember I don’t actually believe that. I am David.
Being in the presence of someone (outside of my clan) who brings me real peace is a treasure. It’s always chaos, passion, pain and pleasure, trying to figure out the secrets of the universe. Fire finds fire, and everything goes up in flames. But when fire meets Earth, there’s stillness. There’s peace. There’s no expectations. It’s the Dao in real-time.
I read about this concept of old ideas vs. new truth. How often do I try to fit new truth into already existing frameworks of old conceptions? Am I truly able to let go of “me”. Not yet. That’s a scary thing. The pain is too comfortable, too intoxicating to let go of. Or is it?
I’m going to spend most of tomorrow horizontal, and I can’t wait.