Real food never tasted so good. I ate way too much, but it was worth it.
Recap
Let’s get some business out of the way. Here’s what the fast looked like after everything was said and done:
Day 1: Water, coffee, electrolytes
Day 2: Water, coffee, electrolytes
Day 3: Water, coffee, electrolytes
Day 4: Water, coffee, electrolytes
Day 5: Water, coffee, electrolytes, fresh juice
Day 6: Water, coffee, electrolytes, fresh juice, raw liver, raw bone marrow, potato starch, psyllium husk
Day 7: Water, coffee, electrolytes, fresh juice, raw liver, raw bone marrow, potato starch, psyllium husk
To be completely honest, I didn’t make it all the way through day 7. My body was telling me it was time to end it a few hours into the day, so I did. All told, this fast lasted 149 hours. I went 96 hours on only water and coffee, and 120 hours on water, coffee and juice. Pretty wild stuff.
Throughout the month, I bulked up as much as I could to prepare for the fast. I got up to 178 pounds, which is what I started the fast at. I lost 13 pounds throughout the fast, hitting 165 pounds by the 6th day. After reintroducing nutrients and re-feeding via two meals spaced 45 minutes apart from each other, my weight returned to 170. That is my normal operating weight - I freakin’ nailed it.
What I Learned
After destroying my body for 3 1/2 months then depriving it of food as a way to “make it all better,” I can tell you that one thing became loud and clear by the end of this fast. I don’t need to do any more crazy shit for long time. What I need in my life is balance. You might be saying to yourself, “duh,” but for me, this is a revelation. I’ve lived in extremes my whole life, and it took all this time to wake me up. It’s like a veil I’ve been living with my whole life was lifted.
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve felt “other than”. I remember so vividly being that nerdy grade-schooler with horrible acne. I just wanted to fit in. I just wanted to be cool. I just wanted girls to like me. But I was a monster, and no one was going to love me for who I was (or so I thought).
Naturally, my answer to that was to do crazy shit. In high school, that meant throw huge parties when my parents weren’t home and blackout in my own front hallway. In college, that meant out-drinking every one of my friends and not remembering anything I did, night after night. After that, it meant living two complete lives, one in the day time as a normal person, and one as a night-demon, snorting Adderall and making music until the break of dawn. It meant taking everything overboard, to a level beyond what anyone else would.
After I got sober, it didn’t leave - it just took a different form. Whether it’s doing insane lifts, doing 100 Murphs in a row, doing a fast for a full week, there’s a part of it that stems from a similar source. The need to be seen.
Now, this isn’t a bad thing. The ability to push beyond my limits is what’s going to help me realize the life of my dreams. In fact, it’s going to be the key ingredient that gets me there. But after this experience, I don’t need it to be the foundation of my life. There’s nothing I can do that will be enough. There’s nothing I can do to heal that wounded kid who was just looking for love.
I don’t need to be seen. I need to see.
I need to see myself first and foremost. I need to stretch, meditate, sleep well, drink enough water, hold my emotions where they belong. That wounded kid is crying out for help, and as it turns out, I have everything I need to take care of him. Perhaps more importantly, I need to see others. I’ve spent all this time trying to get other people to see me, and it’s time I see them. It’s time I see you. The process that has unfolded over the last few months has taught me that I want balance and peace, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life thinking about myself, negatively or positively.
There you have it. The lesson is balance. Simple, sweet and serene. I’ve pushed all the limits I possibly could, and I got my answer. Now, it’s time to drink some tea and get to sleep!