In these last few months of self-reflection, I’ve noticed something interesting. I can acutely feel the pain that others inflict on me, but the pain I inflict on others? That’s a different story entirely. It’s as if there’s a big gray cloud that forms in my mind when I try to think about how others have felt from my own wrongdoing. “It can’t be that bad” is the mantra that comes to mind. It’s cold, numb, blank. It’s almost like my mind creates a hierarchy of pain in which I’m the “winner”, I’m the one who should be in the spotlight. Me, me, me. I wonder if this is a unique struggle I have, but I tend to think not. I think we all have difficulty accessing this type of blind spot.
From what I gather, this lack of empathy comes from an egocentric worldview - which we all have to some degree, otherwise we wouldn’t be human. This worldview tells us that our pain and struggle are paramount in relation to everyone else’s. It tells us that we are unique, our emotions our unique, our pain is unique. It separates us from compassion and relation to our neighbors. Lesson 79 from A Course In Miracles comes to mind:
Everyone in this world seems to have his own special problems. Yet they are all the same, and must be recognized as one if the one solution that solves them all is to be accepted.
The temptation to regard problems as many is the temptation to keep the problem of separation unsolved.
If you could recognize that your only problem is separation, no matter what form it takes, you could accept the answer because you would see its relevance. Perceiving the underlying constancy in all the problems that seem to confront you, you would understand that you have the means to solve them all. And you would use the means, because you recognize the problem.
It all comes down to separation. As long as I believe I’m different than you and better than you, I will not be able to see through my blind spot. I know we all like to think we’re humble creatures that see everyone equally, but let’s cut the crap. It’s okay to admit it. To quote Ecclesiastes 2:13, “Wisdom is better than foolishness, just as light is better than darkness.” We all have egos, and as a result we think we’re “more special” than everyone else. Our minds are literally built that way. In order to see our blind spots, we need to see through our egos, and I can’t think of any task on Earth that’s more difficult. So why even try?
If we actually felt the pain we inflicted on others, we would change our behavior. It’s one thing to intellectually know you did something wrong. It’s another to wrestle with it as if it was done unto you, to experience your own horrors. Perhaps this is the flip side of the Golden Rule. “Feel the pain of others as if it were done unto you.” Now that’s some serious food for thought.
I don’t think the remedy for seeing our blind spots is any sort of quick fix. We’re essentially talking about ego death, which if you’ve read any spiritual literature since the beginning of time, is kind of big deal. The key is to understand that we are not different than anyone else in terms of our human experience. We all live, we all suffer, we all experience joy, and we all die. The closer we can get to acknowledging this, the more our eyes can open to the truth of reality. Admittedly, it’s not an easy process, but it’s perhaps the nobles pursuit one can take up.
For the next 30 days, I’ll be meditating more on this concept.
Let’s see what I find.
Acceptance is the answer to all my problems. However, it is a work in progress.