Another late night here in the lab (a.k.a. my Brooklyn living room), and I’m thinking about boxes. Not actual boxes, but the boxes that society naturally creates. You can find boxes in social spheres, job, relationships - wherever there are people, there are boxes. These boxes are based on what’s expected of you, what you’re supposed to do, how you’re supposed to behave and even how you’re supposed to speak. They exist to keep you in line and keep the society running smoothly. You know what I say? Fuck the boxes.
The thing is, boxes work. Without boxes, we’d probably be living in anarchy. They provide a framework for behavior and a foundation for society to build upon. They’re also comfortable. Living inside the boxes is like living life with a set of directions. You know all the things you have to do, so you do them. It’s easy, and it doesn’t get in the way of anyone else as long as you follow carefully. Therein lies the problem for me - I’ve always sucked at reading directions. I want to figure it out on my own, make mistakes, feel like I have some creative power in whatever it is I’m doing. I want everything to be a little messy, a little dirty, a little grimy. That does not bode well for my future in the boxes.
I’ve always felt stuck. Musicians are supposed to act one way, weightlifters are supposed to act another way, and corporate workers are supposed to act yet another way. God forbid I slip into the wrong persona at the wrong time, and I’m outed as a fraud (or so my mind likes to think). I have too many passions and too many parts of myself to be confined to a singular box, yet I struggled for years trying to squeeze into one. I’ll tell you from experience, it isn’t fun. It’s like leaving your soul at home while you go out to party with all your friends - you can smile and laugh and pretend you’re having a good time, but you’re not actually there.
Eventually it got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. All of my energy was being drained from this dance between boxes, and I felt like I was being spliced and split more and more every day. So, I decided to build my own ship, to create my own box where all my little passions and creations could roam freely without being restrained. That ship is called Modern Bronze, and it’s sailing at full steam. When I look back at the months leading up to it, I can’t believe how much fear and resistance I faced in starting something that no one would even see (at first). All of the old narratives of who I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to do were much stronger than I ever imagined - and I had no idea how much I believed them.
Most of the time it’s hard for us to even realize that we’re in a box. We go about our daily lives, do the things we’re told, and that’s life. We make some money, find that special someone, maybe buy a house - you know, the things. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself. “Who’s the captain of this ship?” Is it you? Is it what your friends and society think you should be? Is it a collection of the narratives that you’ve been told about yourself since you were a kid? It’s a scary thing to realize that you, in fact, may not be at the helm.
I’m lucky. I’ve been thinking about this since the birth of my little brother in 1998. He has a soul that I think most would agree is completely unique; he started building his own ship at the age of 6 and hasn’t stopped since. He’s fought - kicking, biting and screaming - to keep that ship sailing, and I’ve had the opportunity to watch (age is not always a teacher). It’s because of him that I started to question everything that was expected of me, and he’s given me the courage to start sailing my own ship.
Are you aware of the boxes you’re in? Take some time to think about it. If you find that you’re stuck in a box, you always have the option to build your own ship. The best part is, your ship can be whatever you want it to be, and there’s no better time to be alive with so many potential ships at our disposal. Maybe you’re into model airplanes - take videos of your builds and post them on Instagram. Maybe you’re into civil war reenactments - move to Gettysburg and start a club with other role players. Maybe you’re a furry - create a YouTube channel. Who cares! Be yourself, start something, watch it grow and be obsessed with it. You might just reveal the big secret - the boxes aren’t real.