I’ve been all over the place lately. I haven’t been posting every day, I haven’t written poetry in a few weeks and I’ve been slacking on my stretching and meditation commitment. That said, there’s good reason for this - I’ve been cleaning house, getting rid of things that weren’t serving me and entering into the next chapter of my life.
I’m in the process of starting three separate business, and things have gotten extremely chaotic and messy in my life. I came to the realization that the way I was formerly operating wasn’t going to be able to handle all of this new opportunity, so I had to make space for myself to operate at a new level. Admittedly, it hasn’t been easy.
Old habits die hard, and for me there’s no way around that. In my battle against myself, I’m up against procrastination, seeking comfort through orgasm, porn use, obsessive thinking, being messy and forgetfulness. I’ve been battling these things since I was a child. For every two steps I take forwards, it feels like I take three more backwards. It can be painfully disheartening at times; however, it’s not all bad. In fact, I’ve been getting shit done. This battle with myself proves fruitful day after day, as long as I am engaging with it. The moment I give up and stop fighting is the moment things fall apart.
As much as we want change to come instantaneously, that’s never how it goes. Some things take days, some take years, some take lifetimes. The process of cleaning house never comes to an end - there’s no finish line, no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It’s who we are today vs. who we were yesterday, day in and day out.
Whatever you’re struggling with, keep struggling. Keep fighting, keep failing, keep breaking. The purpose is the very struggle you so long to free yourself from - if you manage to find lasting change, that’s just an added bonus.
Breathe in God (whatever that is to you)...... Breathe out "you"