Part I: Death
No matter what you believe about Jesus Christ, I think you can agree with me that His death represented something that each and every one of us face.
Let me explain…
I want you to imagine yourself in the shoes of this man, Jesus of Nazareth. You’re in your early thirties, and for the last few years you have undergone a process of radical awakening. It is to the point that you now understand yourself to be the Son of God, this almighty divine being sent as the savior of the world. Soon enough, you realize perhaps the most monumental result of this belief - you have to die. In order to fulfill the scriptures, in order to prove you actually are what you say you are, you must allow your detractors to put you to death. If you run, if you fight or if you do anything else but accept your fate, it would be evident that you were just another madman spewing insanities.
So, what does this have to do with us?
See, Jesus knew that in order to become the thing He knew Himself to be - the thing He so clearly envisioned - it would take the utmost sacrifice. Notice how the answer wasn’t more knowledge, debate or some form of ancient self-improvement. It was death, and one that was precluded by tremendous suffering. I don’t think it’s too far off to say that the same is true for us. Granted, it’s more often than not on a much smaller scale, but the same exact principles apply.
As I’ve been writing about Jesus and Christianity the last few weeks, the contradictions and restrictions of my own nature have become quite clear. I’ve begun to envision what my life could look like if I actually followed Him - if I actually lived in the ways he commanded - and my present state seems epochs away from that place. I can have the best intentions when I hit the pillow, telling myself that tomorrow will be different, but inevitably by the time the morning comes I completely forget. I resort back to my flawed nature. I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter how much I learn, no matter what I try to do or what I tell myself, I will never be able to change if I stay within this paradigm. The only possible way is, like Jesus, complete death. Not of my body, per se, but of my very core, my very nature. I’ve talked about this many times before, but I also understand that this process of death must necessarily include suffering. There’s just no other way.
I want to make it clear that this is not some masochistic rant. Nor is it that fundamentalist self-hatred that comes as a result of “not following the rules”. Perhaps this is not even for you to understand, but the things I speak rise intuitively from within. I wish to change because I believe that change is one of the most fundamental principles of what we are as humans, and I truly believe that the Christian life - stripped of guilt and dogma - is the answer I seek. I’ve caught a glimpse of something, and I’m going after it.
What has been so shocking thus far is the realization that each and every aspect of my life is interwoven and causational in relation to the whole. The death I seek is all encompassing and ranges from small things like drinking too much caffeine to big things like watching too much porn. Each one of my actions directly affects my subsequent actions, and I’m beginning to awaken to the fact that I’ve been caught in an unconscious cycle of living for the better part of two decades (not unlike the Buddhist concept of Samsara). Releasing myself from that cycle is not going to come from affirmations or getting to bed earlier. It will only come with the death of the various egos within me that keep me locked in this cycle. It’s not all bad news though, because with death comes the greatest promises mankind has ever received - resurrection and rebirth.
Part II: Rebirth
One must die in order to be reborn.
I don’t think we truly comprehend the esoteric and ontological genius that is the story of Christ. He is the blueprint, not of our physical, outward lives but of the infinite lives that exist within each of us. The great Hermetic principle of correspondence -“As above, so below. As within, so without.” - applies perfectly here. Each step Christ took on this Earth was a model for the steps we can take in our inner lives every day. When it comes down to the question of why I believe in Christ and His message, this is perhaps my first answer. I find it hard to believe that a handful of men could have concocted a story that so perfectly mirrors the metamorphosis of the human soul. It certainly seems to have been created by something much, much greater than the mind of man.
Unsurprisingly, the climax of the Christ story - the event that all other events in His life led to - was His Resurrection. This was His final claim to His seat the Right Hand of God. This was the culmination, the proof and the mystery all wrapped into one final act of transcendence. This thing - resurrection (a.k.a rebirth) - is also the culmination of the Christ life within each of us. In my opinion, it’s the reason that one would choose to follow Christ in the first place. Sure, you can call Jesus a great teacher and leave it there, but you’d be missing out completely on the great mystery - complete transformation of the human spirit. I may be losing some of you here (I know that if I read this a few months ago I probably would have just closed my browser), but let me try to put this another way…
You have problems. You have secrets. You have things in your life you wish you could change but in reality believe you can’t. You battle with your flaws each and every day, and most days they win. You’ve tried self-love and self-help and positive thinking, but if you had to be honest, you’d say that they didn’t work. Sure, you can convince yourself that you’re fine, but you know in your heart that you’re not. You know that no matter what you do you are destined to live this way until you die.
Sound familiar? I believe this is something we all share, it’s just a matter of how conscious we are too it or not. This is the nature of the human condition, the proverbial itch that we just can’t seem to scratch. Jesus Christ offers His life as the answer to the greatest problem we face. We must suffer, die and be reborn into the things we were always meant to be: pure light and pure love.
Now you may ask, “So, how exactly does it work?” I don’t have that answer for you because it looks different for each of us. For me, it started with starting. It started with writing and reading about something I didn’t really want to write and read about. It started by choosing to believe that an answer was perhaps there and I just didn’t see it. Don’t get me wrong, I am far from fully incorporating Christ into my inner life, but for the first time I can confidently say that I believe it is actually possible. I believe that a story about a carpenter from two thousand years ago has the potential to completely transform a human being. Right here, right now.
As always, I’m sure there’s much more to be revealed.