When I was in sixth grade, I got my first zit. It wasn’t my fault. It was the result of my genetics and naturally oily Irish skin. It was alarming, but I knew this was a part of growing up. Then I got my second. Then my third. Within a year my entire face, back and chest were covered in pus-filled acne blisters. This lasted for 5 years, until my parents agreed to let me go on Accutane (which I’m not too sure I support at this point, but one thing is for certain it definitely worked). For a kid growing up looking to fit in with his peers, this was devastating. Girls didn’t want to go near me, and I was an easy target for the clear-faced popular crowd. I felt horrible about myself and had no self worth whatsoever - I remember one incident in seventh grade where I put on some of my mom’s coverup to go into class and one of the girls called me out for wearing makeup. Talk about adding insult to injury. I was so sad, so lonely and so lost. And all I can remember thinking was, “Why me?”
This brought me face-to-face with one of the harshest truths about life - life is unfair. At least that’s what it seems like at first glance. I was given this curse, and so many of the other kids weren’t. The damage that experience did to my self image lasted nearly two decades and still lingers today. I was less than human - I was treated as such, and believed it. And I know so many of us feel the exact same way, every day.
That wasn’t the only time I had to face this reality monster. After my skin cleared up, what I thought would be my entrance into society and the popular crowd turned out to be yet another road block. I had scars all over my face, which didn’t help, but I was also short. I’m 5’8” on a good day, and compared to most men in America, that isn’t great. I didn’t realize this until I started getting passed on by women for taller, more objectively beautiful men. But the thing about this that I couldn’t wrap my head around was the fact that I did not choose any of this. I didn’t choose to have acne, I didn’t choose to be short. I didn’t choose these things, but I was most certainly being judged for them. Life isn’t fair, right?
Fast forward more than a decade, and my perspective has changed dramatically. I still have scars on my face, although they look pretty badass after years of healing and sunlight. And guess what - I’m still short. And you know what? These are some of my best qualities. They are necessary parts that make up the whole of me. It’s my Dao, my Way. What was given to me at birth was completely out of my control. What I choose to do with it is completely and entirely up to me.
A quote from Lao Tzu’s Dao de Jing sums this up properly:
“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
And, of course, the Serenity Prayer:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
I’m trying to reach at the heart of a fear each and every one of us has - that other people are better than us, more blessed than us, luckier than us and there’s nothing we can do about it. That’s only true if you believe it. I think about what I’ve learned and what I’ve become from wrestling with this fear - the strength I’ve gained in body, mind and soul. It may have started out as vengeance or redemption or validation-seeking, but it has become my life. I don’t lift or sing or pray for anyone else. I do it all because I’ve grown to love it, and I’ve grown to love all of the incredible abilities I’ve been given. I’ve grown to love all of the uncontrollable aspects of my being. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
10/10