Mystical Experience

Make of it what you will...

I’ve noticed a hesitation within myself when writing about these sort of topics, and I’m starting to see why. Since I started creating in my teens (strictly music at the time), I always felt like an outcast. I felt like what I was doing wasn’t “right” or “acceptable”. Most of the people I surrounded myself with simply didn’t get it. They were confused or put-off at the very idea that I would pursue something creative, particularly music. Granted, there were those around me that were unconditionally supportive, but they were mostly family members and a few friends. I felt like the rest of the world just didn’t understand me and my burning desire to create. Perhaps this narrative was a concoction of my own mind - I’m sure a large percentage of it was - but I think it also had to do with demographics, where I was from and what was expected out of people who were given the opportunities I was given. Regardless of what it was, it birthed a voice in the back of my mind that constantly told me I was unacceptable.

The truth is, that voice remains with me today. Whenever I write about anything overtly spiritual or mystical my mind immediately reverts back to my teenage years. “People aren’t going to understand.” “This just isn’t something normal people are interested in.” “People have enough to worry about, why would these matters concern them?” You get the idea. The difference is now is that after a year and a half of writing like this, I have evidence to the contrary. Sure, there are plenty of people who have been uninterested in my writing, but there have also been people who have resonated with me to their very core. I’ve had dozens upon dozens of conversations with all types of people - many of whom I never expected - about all the different topics I’ve discussed and written about. When it comes down to it, I don’t give you - my readers - enough credit. I know some of you, but most of you I don’t. I don’t know what makes you tick, what fuels your passions or what inspires you. What I do know is that, like me, you’re a human being. That means that, whether or not you admit it, spirituality is something you must contend with, something you must wrestle with and play with and explore. Whatever conclusions you draw are yours to live and own, but what we all have in common is curiosity. To be human is to be curious about all possibilities, about all the great and unanswerable questions each and every one of us face.

I think our society is quick to shame anyone who explores what’s outside the “boundaries” because, quite simply, it’s scary out there. Life is hard enough with work, relationships, bills, family, kids, etc. In a sense it’s easier to stay within of the guard rails because comfort and safety lie within them. This comfort and safety is the same reason we’re all so sucked into our phones and social media profiles and television screens. All of these things - society included - are human constructs created in order to cope with the extraordinary circumstances we find ourselves in (a.k.a. being alive and conscious of that fact). Exploring what’s outside of our collective walls is so taboo because it has to be for society to work. I used to resent that, but now I understand. It doesn’t mean that we’re all robots who don’t think and feel and question. It simply means we play the games we have to play to get the things we perceive we want. There’s nothing wrong with any of it - no better, no worse.

Alright, enough philosophical blabbering. Let’s have some fun and ride the train of wonder and possibility for a few minutes.

Let’s talk about what happened to me last Friday night…

I had just spent the last two days in Asbury Park, reconnecting with a friend I hadn’t seen in over a year and spending quality beach time with my puppy. It was an idyllic trip in small-town paradise, but, as with everything else in life, all highs are followed by lows. I got back home Friday night and felt a wave of sadness that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I went to the gym and got my blood flowing, but the sadness still remained. It just so happened that last week I deactivated my Instagram and decided to not watch any T.V. - my usual mind-numbing activities to fill the empty space. I had no choice but to sit with myself and identify this sadness within me. It was late and nearing bedtime, so I turned the lights off, laid down on my couch and let my pup fall asleep on my belly. I decided to have a conversation with God.

I don’t really remember much of the specifics. I know we talked for awhile about my frustrations with love and relationships, how I never understood why it never quite worked out for met while at the same time being able to see a greater plan at work. I started crying, and I don’t mean just crying. I was balling, deeper than I have in years. The conversation went on and more layers were peeled back, and before long we arrived at the realization of my fears. For a few minutes, it became clear to me how afraid I was about so many different things, how hard I’d been trying to hide it from myself and others. I came face to face with my own humanity, with everything I’d lost, with everything that I’d held and had slipped through my fingers. The tears kept flowing, and my body started vibrating, chills running the full length of my spine. I screamed out loud, asking God to take it all - the pain, the fear, the humanity. Then, all of a sudden, the tears stopped. The vibrations stopped. Everything around me got silent (and I mean silent) and I felt something move through me that I cannot describe to you in words. The closest word we have to it in our language is peace. It only lasted for a moment, but that feeling came as an absolute answer to my fear and questioning. I knew at that moment that it was all going to be okay. I knew at that moment that everything I have ever been through and everything I will go through is unequivocally worth it. I saw the purpose and beauty of all first-hand. I knocked, and He answered.

The only thing I know for sure is that last Friday night a spiritual channel was opened for me. I don’t know if it’s still open or if it’s closed, but I know that I experienced it. Sure, there are a million and one ways to nullify this experience or explain it away, but I choose to live outside the box. I know that something beyond normal human experience happened to me that night, and I know that these mystical experiences possible for all of us. We simply need to allow ourselves to access them.

The message I received was one of great hope and joy. It was the message of Christ whittled down to a momentary experience. I know you’re all afraid, whether you’d like to admit it or not. I can tell you in truth that you need not fear. Everything that has happened to you has been a prerequisite for what is to come. There was never any reality in which your past ended up differently, and your future will give you everything you need. That doesn’t mean it will work out the way you think, but the divine plan is greater than your own. Your struggles, your fears, your limitations - how you wrestle with these is the reflection of that divine plan working within you.

Maybe this sounds crazy. Maybe it’s just another Tuesday. Maybe this is exactly what you needed to hear. All I can do is relay my experience - the rest is out of my hands.

Thanks for taking this journey with me today.