If you have a few minutes to spare today, I highly suggest you click on the image above and watch “Carmy’s Monologue” in full. It’s from the FX Series The Bear, and it’s one of the most powerful monologues I’ve seen in a very long time.
Admittedly, I don’t watch the show, but this monologue is essentially an Al-Anon qualification, which is something I’m intimately familiar with. It’s just like being in a meeting. Carmy, played by Jeremy Allen White, talks about his history with his drug addict brother and his experience as a restauranteur and chef. It hits on so many themes - the throes of addiction, family dynamics, struggles with self worth, etc. - but one specific part stood out to me the most…
He just cut me off cold and that, umm, that hurt, you know? And I think that just that flipped a switch in me where I was like, “Okay. Fuck You. Watch This.”
That flipping of the switch resonated with my soul. Throughout my life, I’ve encountered many people who didn’t understand what I was doing - who thought I should play it safe, who thought I should be doing something else, who thought they knew me better than I knew myself. I often found myself helpless in these situations, either trying to shake it off with humor or explain my position. Neither had a positive result. It wasn’t until recently that my own switch flipped, and I realized some very important truths.
Not everyone is going to love me. Quite frankly, there are always going to be people who think I’m a piece of shit. There are always going to be people who are threatened by the way I live my life, and there are always going to be people who want me to fail. There’s nothing I can do or say that will change this. All I can do is smile and say to myself, “Okay. Fuck You. Watch This.” Results speak louder than words.
When I look back on my life, I see how these external voices shaped so many of my decisions without me even realizing it. I allowed them to keep me thinking small, to think negatively of myself, to wear comfort as a badge of honor. They held me back from diving into the life I was always meant to live. The funny thing is, it was never about me, but rather what I brought up in other people. It isn’t any one person’s fault, it’s just how people are. Most people fear change and feel threatened by someone who is different. I know I can certainly be this way, too.
Today I encourage you tho think about your life and all the external walls the people around you have built for you. Is that what you want? Is that who you are? Do you want to be what everyone expects you to be? If not, I think it’s time to flip the switch. Start living your life exactly how you want, and show the world exactly what you’re made of.