Yesterday was a strange day.
I woke up well-rested and full of energy, then within an hour - bam! I completely crashed. I found myself slumped on the couch and consumed by my phone, not wanting to do a single damn thing. I had plenty to do - finish invoices, finish one of the dozen Confessions I’ve yet to finish, eat, etc. - but I was paralyzed by my options. Everything just felt off. I felt no spiritual connection, no gratitude, no relationship to God or Jesus or anything. I just wanted to sink into my couch and let my brain rot in digital decadence.
While doing any particular thing seemed light years away, I had a simple thought: move. I had wasted half of my day already, but that didn’t mean I had to waste the rest of it. At a snails pace I hopped into my car and headed straight to the gym. It was my day off, but in times like this there’s one thing that snaps me out of the daze without fail: rowing. I don’t get this way often, but when I do I make sure I find my way to a rower with fully charged headphones. The rest seemingly takes care of itself.
I rowed like a psychopath for 45 minutes listening to my favorite early 2000’s emo jams and started feeling myself again. After that, I went to a recovery meeting. I helped another human being and got out of my head for an hour. By the time that was over, I was back, baby! It was as if my miserable morning never existed. I once again felt the divine connection and threw on some worship music for good measure. Needless to say, it was a much better outcome than getting eaten by my couch.
“Si ventus non est, remiga!” is an old Latin proverb meaning “If there is no wind, row!” Quite the fitting phrase for yesterday’s experience, and it highlights an important learning lesson for me in this faith journey. Even when things seem to be going well, some days the wind just doesn’t come. The spirit, the drive, the connection - they all feel far away. Some days I’m going to need to reach out into the world and find the spark. Some day’s I’m going to need to row.
If faith was handed to me on a silver platter every day, it wouldn’t be faith at all.