Before I started Modern Bronze, I had a few social media accounts. They all had one thing in common - they weren’t me.
One was @schweppesboi, an account dedicated to reviews of seltzer.
Another was @pidgeysofnewyork, in which I “interviewed” pigeons on the streets of New York.
As I look back on these ridiculous endeavors, I see myself trying to say something. Anything. I was trying to play a part in the cultural consciousness, but I was far too afraid to be myself. I thought humor would be the best way to get people to like me. After all, I had nothing of value to bring to the table, right? I certainly wasn’t like all the rest of those people who posted selfies of themselves on Saturday nights!
Only now do I see how childish and pompous that was. Yes, it was funny at times, but behind the scenes I was desperate to speak, to use my voice and own my truth. I didn’t know how. I was too shy, too self-critical, too “in my head”. Sure, I could get on stage in front of hundreds of people and sing my heart out no problem, but actually using words was a different story.
Somewhere along the road of life, I got it in my head that what I had to say wasn’t worth it. That somehow I was less-than, and everyone else who was engaging in society possessed something I didn’t have. This thought process had its hooks in me for 30 years, and it showed up everywhere in my life. At my job, with women, with men, with my art - everywhere. I was doing a lot of great things, but I was living in quiet desperation. I remember specifically doing throat chakra meditations to try and breakthrough this blockage, which I was becoming more and more aware of. Nothing ever seemed to work.
Enter Modern Bronze.
All of a sudden, everything changed. I found my calling. I no longer gave a single fuck. I was not only going to speak my mind, but I was going to do so in every way possible. I was going to take that selfie, post the weightlifting, experiment with those cringy self-help videos, make a TikTok. I was going to write every single day without fail, about anything and everything under the sun. Well, I’ve been doing just that, and like a snowball rolling down a mountain, it’s only growing bigger as time passes.
I know so many of you probably face the same issues I faced. It can be hard to muster up the courage to use your voices and speak your mind in this hyper-critical world. This week, I encourage you to say, “Fuck it!” Say the thing you’ve always wanted to say. Make that social media account, write that letter, tell that person you like them. Whatever just came into your mind just now, that’s the thing - get after it…
SPEAK!