Why is it so hard to ask for help?
In our DIY culture focused on the individual, we seem to have come to a silent agreement that asking for help equals weakness. Some other words that come to mind are “shameful,” “spiteful” and “pathetic”. We’d rather suffer needlessly, cradling our pride and our puffed-up egos than admit that we need even the slightest bit of help. Humility seems to be a much tougher sell than charity.
Speaking of charity, our culture constantly encourages us to help others. Heck, I say that all the time. The act of healing is glorified as saintly, but receiving it? Not so much. I was thinking about this today and an interesting question came to mind. Who are we supposed to help if no one is willing to accept it?
This is what I call the “object of service,” and, in my opinion, it’s the flip side of the same coin as service. Equally important, equally righteous. In order to let people help us, we have to let our guard down. We often interpret that it as humiliation or embarrassment, but it’s not. What if I told you that allowing yourself to be helped is just as charitable as helping someone else? Let me explain…
Being the object of service is an act of service in and of itself, because it allows another human being to be selfless. It allows them to show love, compassion, patience and care. It allows someone to express all the most beautiful parts of their humanity, setting the stage for them to be realized in full. Without objects of service, we’d all be living in our little, isolated bubbles. Community as it was originally intended would not be possible.
This doesn’t mean we should take advantage of someone’s time, care or love. Being the object of service is sacred, and should be respected and venerated as such. That said, it doesn’t mean we should be reluctant, either. When we fully embrace our need to be helped, everybody wins.
If we look at all of the great spiritual teachers of history, they all had some interesting things in common - they were poor, travelled from place to place and let other people provide food, shelter and clothing for them. They were in full acceptance of being objects of service, and they held no shame or guilt as a result. In fact, most of the time they glorified it, encouraging others to do the same. Why, then, do we have such a hard time with it?
I think we’re scared. We’re afraid of letting people down, of being a burden, of not living up to others’ (or our own) expectations. We create stories in our mind of how people perceive us and how we want to be perceived, and usually that is accompanied with the narrative of “strong, independent man or woman.” I’m here to tell you to let go of the charade, put down the armor and let others in.
This week’s challenge is to let yourself be an object of service. This doesn’t have to be anything crazy, but if the opportunity arises, let someone help you. Lean into it, and forget about the shame and guilt that are all just made up, anyway.
It’s not as scary as you think.