You can also find this article on Medium.com. Link HERE.
Many of you reading this know that I’m an alcoholic/addict in recovery. God willing, I’ll have five years of sobriety this summer. What you may not know is that I’m a musician, a writer, a poet, a strongman and a home-builder. I think it’s a byproduct of having an addict brain that needs to be stimulated at all times. People call me insane for doing so many things, and I, too, used to see this as a weakness. I’m sure you’ve heard the following quote:
“A jack-of-all-trades is a master of none.”
What you probably don’t know is how that quote actually finishes:
“…but oftentimes better than a master of one.”
I’m sure DaVinci, Michelangelo and Hildegard of Bingen would agree. I’ve come to accept the fact that all of these pieces make up the totality of me, no matter how conflicting they may seem on the surface. If any piece falls away, I lose an important part of myself — and I feel it almost immediately. I’ve recently come into a season of harmony between my different parts, and I’ve never felt more at peace. I know this is not a coincidence, and it got me thinking about much broader concepts.
The purpose of my life is to create, plain and simple. When I’m creating or building something, the past and future disappear. I forget who I am — what I am. I forget about all of the pain I’ve seen and suffered. I forget about the darkness. People call this the “flow state,” being perfectly in-tune with the present moment. I can attest to its reality, and the more I get in sync with it, the more serenity I experience. For me, this creation… it’s God. No other beings on this planet have been gifted such a treasure. We all have the ability to create on a whim — if you think about it long enough, it starts to seem like magic. No matter what it is, it’s certainly a miracle.
When I was caught in the cycle of addictive behavior — whether that was alcohol, drugs, toxic relationships, sex, porn or ruminating thoughts —I believed that in order to create I needed to destroy. I needed to suffer in order to gain access to the flow state, or so I thought. As long as there was something wrong in my life, as long as I felt guilty or ashamed or heartbroken or disgusted, I would be able to create freely. I believed this until very recently when, for the first time in my life, I made a conscious effort to let go of the pain. It’s taking some time to get used to the transition, but the result is not what I expected. I thought that if I let go of chaos and destruction, I’d lose my power. What I have found instead is that the void is being filled with more creation. I have never felt better in my life.
My days look something like this: wake up, go build something, go to the gym, write or make music, sleep. All day long, I’m creating, whether that be with my hands on a construction job, with my body in the gym or with my heart in pen or song. Distractions have all faded, and the noise has quieted. I still battle some lesser addictive behaviors, but my mind is no longer focused on the chaos. As it turns out, creation feeds creation.
I don’ think this is something that can be taken lightly. In our culture (not unlike most other cultures), we are constantly pushed to consume. How many Netflix shows have you watched recently? How long have you spent on social media today? How much shitty processed food did you eat this week? How much money did you make, and was it worth it? What I’m coming to understand is that consuming and destroying are similar acts, with creating as the opposite to both (I find this weirdly interesting). When we consume, we are cut off from our creative powers. Many of us consume all day and all night to the detriment of our sanity. We have extraordinary capabilities, and they are meant to be used, not withered away.
I’m not saying that consuming is all bad. Reading books, for example, is a healthy way to consume. Personally, I still watch Netflix shows (F.Y.I. The Last of Us is a masterpiece), I still spend too much time on social media, and I still get caught up in ruminating, obsessive thoughts. The difference is, the majority of my time is not spent on these things. The majority of my time is spent creating, and this has had profound effects on my state of mind. I can’t help but wonder how many people would benefit from shift like this.
So, why exactly is creation so powerful? I believe it’s because the entire fabric of our universe is centered around the creative act. Each and every moment, the universe is expanding, continuing the original act of creation that occurred billions of years ago. Everything you see, touch, taste, feel and hear was at one point nothing, then— “Viola!” — it came into being. That includes the very space rock you call home. That includes you. Human beings have been given access to this creative faculty, and I don’t believe that’s without reason. When we create, when we lose ourselves, we open a direct communication with God. By God, I don’t mean Big Sky Daddy or some zealous tyrant. I mean the spirit that resides within all things throughout all time — the underlying reality behind the illusions we see. Some call it God, some call it The Way, some call it Nirvana — whatever name we chose, it’s readily available to each and every one of us through creation.
Life is hard. It’s easy to get sucked into the false security of creature comforts. It’s easy to get stuck inside the culture of consuming. That said, we have everything we need to break free of the chains that bind us. So…
What are you going to create today?
-D.O.