The Power of No
The most important word in the English language...
We live in a culture of “yes”. “Yes” to more money, “yes” to more sex, “yes” to more drinks, “yes” to more comfort. Pleasure is king, and we’re its subjects. Yet, we’re the unhappiest generation in history (unhappy is subjective, but it sure as hell looks that way). More people are on medication than ever before, therapy is chic, adultery is as common as a Brooklyn bodega and suicide is a leading cause of death every year. This is all while we’re experiencing what I like to call the New Age Positive Thinking Movement. Every third person on the street has written a self-help book, and “yes” has replaced “om” as the mantra of the day. I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had where I’ve heard, “I’m being open to the universe,” or “it’s a y-e-s season for me”. That all sounds great on paper, but from what I’ve seen and what it looks like across the cultural board, it’s yielding pretty horrible results.
We’ve forgotten what it means to say “no”. This, I argue, is both more difficult and more rewarding than always saying “yes”. Being able to say “no” is a superpower that has been lost for quite some time. What do Rosa Parks, Jesus, Buddha, Joan of Arc and Lao Tzu all have in common? They all mastered the art of saying “no”. If you look at the greatest figures and heroes of the past, they all had this ability in common. It’s almost like we’ve stopped trying. We’ve stopped trying to reach for something greater than ourselves, and we’ve settled with a washed-out pleasure train that leads nowhere. This would all be fine if saying “yes” to everything didn’t have consequences, but unfortunately that’s not the case. The wheel of karma is always spinning, whether we realize it or not.
I was the guy who always said yes to everything. It was my way of trying to get people to like me. I realize now it was a way for me to avoid myself and the pain I was in. If I just say yes, people will find value in me, so I must have value, right? Looking back, that was a pretty sad way to live. See, nobody really wants to follow a “yes” person, but plenty of people will use a “yes” person for their own agenda. I experienced it firsthand, and I know too many people who’ve had similar experiences.
At the end of the day, it comes down to intention and conscientiousness. Saying “yes” is investing in the moment, while saying “no” is investing in the future self. Saying “no” gives us time to process our decisions to see if they’re what we really want. It also builds the most important thing we have in this life: self-love and respect. I can’t recall too many times that saying “yes” to something led me to self-respect, but I can vividly remember the times when I said “no” and felt that love burning deep inside of me. Maybe not at first (choices are hard), but eventually and without fail.
It’s another late night for me, so I’m going to keep this one short. Remember, we always have the power to say “no”. This enables us to live our lives with intention and to create the realities we want to live in. It also frees us from avoidable shame and guilt, and helps us to keep our word with ourselves. There’s nothing more sacred than that. If you find yourself saying “yes” to everything and everyone, flip the script today. Say “no”. Scream it if you have to. What do you have to lose?
I was told a few years ago, that NO (NO Period) is a complete sentence. It's not always easy. but it gets easier as time goes by and I "intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us." Great read and reminder.