I’m exhausted today. I worked an intense day at my weekend contracting gig, followed by my daily Murph (see my article “100 Days 100 Murphs” if you don’t know what that is). I’ve made a commitment to write a newsletter article daily, so I thought it would be fun to do something silly. Tomorrow we will resume our normally scheduled programming.
I present to you The Ten Commandments of Breakups:
Thou Shall Have No Other Lovers (Immediately)
After breaking up with someone, don’t immediately run into the arms of someone else. That’s bad juju, and most likely you will bring the pain, sadness and anger from your past relationship into the next one. Allow yourself time to heal and get your shit together.
Thou Shall Not Keep False Idols For Thy Ex-Lover
Delete the nudes. Delete the sex videos. Delete every single piece of content you own that includes your ex. This one is hard, but in the long run it makes it SO much better. Nothing sadder than jerking off while crying to a photo of your ex.
Thou Shall Not Take The Name of Thy Ex-Lover In Vain
Don’t talk shit about your ex, ever. Even if they cheated on you or made your life miserable. You don’t need to keep the karmic pain cycle going, and talking about them in any way just keeps them on your mind. Avoid bringing them up altogether if you have to.
Remember To Keep Holy Your Sabbath
By “Sabbath” here I mean all the shit you love to do (this may be a stretch, but give me a break - this isn’t easy). Keep going to the gym, keep writing, keep working hard at your job. Falling down into the abyss of sadness sucks, and it’s not easy to get out. Just keep swimming.
Honor Thy Ex-Lover’s Father and Mother
If you run into your ex’s parents, family members or friends, don’t be weird. They didn’t do anything to you. Be kind, strike up small talk if the situation calls for it. Be above it.
Thou Shall Not Murder Thy Ex-Lover
I’m laughing as I write this one. Obviously, dude.
Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery with Thy Ex-Lover
Do not under any circumstances sleep with your ex again. Especially if they get into a new relationship with someone else. Yea, it might stroke your ego (and some other things), but you will eventually feel like shit again. 100% money back guarantee. Trust me on this one.
Though Shall Not Steal From Thy Ex-Lover
Don’t be petty. If your ex left something at your place, give it back. Give it to a friend to deliver, mail it, send it by pigeon, whatever you have to do. The longer you hold onto it, the longer it will take you to move on.
Thou Shall Not Bear False Witness Against Thy Ex-Lover
Don’t make shit up about your ex after you’ve broken up. Once again, the specs are not great here in terms of karmic juju. In any story there’s one side, the other side, and somewhere in the middle is the truth. Remember that.
Though Shall Not Covet Thy Ex-Lover’s Shit
If your ex becomes successful and happy with someone else, don’t be a dick. Jealousy just prevents us from moving on. Support them and cheer them on no matter what happens, and I bet you’ll find some peace and serenity.
There you have it - let me know your thoughts in the comments. I actually really enjoyed this, so I’ll probably start doing more light-hearted articles like this moving forward. Don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t already, and follow me on Instagram (@modern.bronze).